Losing My Baby Princess

Hi everyone, you may be wondering why I haven’t been blogging/doing videos lately. It’s all because I lost my beloved dog Princess at 1:15AM on November 18, 2013.

Princess has been with me for almost 12 years. I can vividly remember the day I got her.

You see, I wanted to give our Yorkie, Micky, a “partner” before and so I searched through the classified ads on the newspaper. I saw that this breeder from Greenhills was selling a “WHITE TOY TERRIER”. I secretly called the breeder because I knew my mom wouldn’t allow me to buy another dog. But I sealed the deal with the breeder and set up an appointment to pick the dog up. I pooled all my school money (I was in elementary back then) and I used up all my PHP5,500.00 to buy the dog. My dad didn’t disagree with me when I told him I wanted the dog.

One fateful day, [I forgot the holiday that was going on—but all the malls were closed]. So I chimed into our family conversation and told them, “Why don’t we just pick up the dog?” My mom wasn’t able to do anything about it anymore because my dad agreed! Hehehe.

So then we drove to Greenhills. The gates were opened and I saw this really thin and tiny white mini-pinscher like dog. I was taken aback, because in my head I was picturing a terrier! Long hair and all that jazz. Although a bit disappointed, we still took her in. The breeder told us her name was Princess! I told my dad I wanted to name her MICA (to match Micky’s name) lol but my dad thought it was better to keep her old name. The name “Mica” didn’t catch up, so Princess stayed “Princess”.

We had great years together! Here are most highlights in my life with my beautiful Pinpin:

1. We were featured on Animal Scene together with Micky! I had a subscription for that magazine before. I was a dog freak!!!
2. She hated the guinea pigs I had before and used to kinda bite all of them! Hahaha!
3. I applied BLUE eyeshadow on her lids!
4. I stuck on an old thick action figure sticker on her forehead and ended up pulling it out, together with her fur!! I didn’t mean to—we were just playing!
5. Her first accident was getting caught on a FLY TRAP!!!!!! It was horrible. Good thing my dad got her out in time!
6. When I walked her, she didn’t need a leash! She just followed me wherever I went!
7. She got into about 3 fights with our huge dog Hqeq (who came shortly after I got Pinpin) Hqeq left 2 scars on her face, poor baby
8. She loves it when I call her name in the highest pitch!
9. What made her tail so cute is that it’s been cut off (by the breeder) and she’d wag it everytime I played with her
10. We ate Nova together and I would feed her through my mouth

I could like of a million more fun things I did with my baby girl and this blog post would never end…

As much as I wanted her to get pregnant, she didn’t. I guess she was just not built to be a mother of puppies. You see, she’s kinda tomboyish hehe. She liked humping all the other dogs! Hahaha!

This photo right here was taken during November of last year or last 2 years ago. She kept barking and barking and barking at other people!

Whenever I worked out on my mat, she would ALWAYS lie down beside or even ON the mat with me!

She loved being pampered and cuddled! She would bury herself into the bed sheets and sleep for hours! Look how beautiful she was!

And of course, she loved her bone!!! She even slept with it!

When our first dog, Micky, died. I was quite scared… Because I knew Princess was next in line.

Years passed and we celebrated a lot together. She was there WITH ME FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

The first sign of ageing I noticed from Princess was cataract. Her left eye went white first, and then the right. It was heartbreaking seeing her bump into things so I just carried her to places. She memorized the turns, however, and was able to live without any sight at all.

About 3-4 months earlier, I noticed how she isn’t able to jump up the bed anymore. That broke my heart. She had to be carried up.

She also started having seizures. Terrifying 3-4 minutes of my life that would repeat twice a day. She would freeze up and later shake.

I took her to the vet and got tests done when her belly ballooned.

They told me it was her stomach. She wasn’t able to poo or pee properly. So she was given medication for the infection. A few days later, her legs swelled up. Apparently, it has something to do with her liver. She has a minor problem with her liver. Meds took away the swelling.

Everything was okay, but Princess started losing her ability to walk/stand up.

My heart was crushed.

She laid down most of the day. I would pick her up and roll her over because I know nangangawit siya. She would bark to call my attention when she’s hungry or thirsty.

She wasn’t able to control her peeing or pooing anymore. So I had to make her wear diapers. Baby diapers. I constantly changed her about 5-8 times a day. It was truly a mother’s job. I enjoyed it.

It broke my heart every time I had to work away for weekends and leave her at home with my family. I didn’t want her to think I left her… And deep inside, I don’t want her to pass without me by her side.

For about 3 weeks, the same routine happened. My PinPin was okay. I would change her every time she soiled/wet her diaper/feed her when she’s hungry, and give her her blue cup to drink out of because she couldn’t do it alone. I gave her her medicine and she seemed content and okay. Not the best state, but she was okay.

A few days ago, her nose started ballooning up. I called the vet and they told me it must be an infection/colds. I had November 18 scheduled to take her to the vet and get checked.

On November 17, 2013 (Sunday), I decided to give her a hot bath. There she was all bubbly and she enjoyed the warm water. While I dried her, she peed!!! I wasn’t able to put her diaper on on time! I was talking to her all the while telling her how masarap the bath is and how presko she is now. After the bath, she ate and drank and slept.

On the night of November 17, 12:30AM, (Nov 18) Princess started barking differently. I gave her water, she drank. She started barking faintly again, so I gave her food—she didn’t want to eat. I checked her diaper, there was nothing. I noticed how she couldn’t breath properly, so I carried her and took her out the living room to get air. She was clearly very distressed. She threw up on the floor and that alarmed me.

I knew I had to call the driver so we could go to the vet right away. I even called the vet to expect us.

After 5 mins, Princess threw up again and she dropped her head, as if dead. I panicked. I totally panicked and kept calling her name. Princess! Princess! She breathed and moved again but I know something terrible is happening.

The driver took SO LONG. So my sister drove us to the vet.

I kept talking to Princess in the car and told her we’re already near so she should hang on.

We barely made it on time at around 1AM. I rushed her inside and laid her on the vet table.

Her breathing was VERY irregular. They put in oxygen on her, but she couldn’t take it in properly. The vet gave her a shot to clear her airway but her heartbeat weakened.

Princess’ stomach was bloating already and her eyes weren’t blinking anymore.

The vet gave her another shot of a stronger med to help her breathe. Her heartbeat increased for a while, but then it slowed down until the vet could hear no more…

“Wala na ho siya…” the vet told me.

Oh man, I felt like I was hit by a truck.

My baby was gone… She was gone. She wasn’t moving anymore. Her diaper was filled with poo and pee (xiam sai—as what my mom would tell me)

I carried her home and hugged her while wrapped in a towel. I couldn’t believe it.

She left me…

I didn’t want to sleep until I cleaned her up.

I changed her diaper and kept a new one on. I created her coffin using boxes. I made it look like she was just sleeping. I made her wear the collar she loved and even rested her head on the pillow—her favorite pillow.

I stared at her and just talked to her and cried…

The next morning I woke up and rushed to her. I couldn’t believe she was dead. She’s cold, but not yet hard. I held her paw and just cried cried cried…

My mom accompanied me to my dad’s work place where we take all our deceased dogs to be buried. I cried cried cried. Princess was buried next to Micky.

 

That night I decided to watch MARLEY AND ME. And I cried cried cried. That night I cried myself to sleep. It was so difficult. I got used to having Princess sleep by my side ALL THESE YEARS! And now when I look to my side all I have is her pillow.

It crushed my heart.

I ate my way out of this depressed state. I just ate ate ate. Even if I didn’t want to eat. I was grieving so much…I still am.

Whenever I eat chicken, I would save all the cartilage because it was Pin’s favorite. I put them all in front of the huge picture of her I printed and placed by my table. She will love that cartilage.

I still cry. It takes a lot of getting used to.

I miss her everyday. And will never forget her.

“Pinpin, Mama loves you so much, I hope you are not scared because I am not with you, let the light guide you baby, I know you have seen Rainbow Bridge, you wait for me there okay? I love you so much and I am so so so sad that you left me… But I am also happy because you are no longer having a hard time breathing. Mama will always be here and you can visit me anytime. I know you are up there. Have fun playing baby. I love you and I will NEVER forget you. Love, Mama.”